Living with O.C.E.A.N.
Syndrome By Scooter Grubb

Just recently, after years
of research, I have finally
been able to give a name to what my wife
and I have
been living with for years.

It's an affliction,
for sure, which when undiagnosed
and misunderstood can devastate and
literally tear a
family apart. Very little is known about O.C.E.A.N.

Syndrome. But it is my hope this article will generate
interest
from researchers involved in the equine and
psychological sciences.
You will, no doubt, begin to
identify similar symptoms in your own
family and
hopefully now be able to cope.

Obsessive
Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis
Syndrome (O.C.E.A.N.) is
usually found in the female
and can manifest itself anytime from
birth to the
golden years. Symptoms may appear any time and may

even go dormant in the late teens, but the syndrome
frequently
re-emerges in later years.

Symptoms vary widely in both number
and degree of
severity. Allow me to share some examples which are

most prominent in our home.

The afflicted individual:


1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't
tell whether
milk has gone bad until it turns chunky.

2. Finds the occasional
"Buck and Toot" session
hugely entertaining, but severely chastises
her
husband for similar
antics.

3. Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her

tack, but wants to eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.


4. Considers equine gaseous excretions a fragrance.

5.
Enjoys mucking out four stalls twice a day,
but insists on having a
housekeeper mop the kitchen
floor once a week.

6. Will spend
an hour combing and trimming an
equine mane, but wears a baseball
cap so she doesn't
waste time brushing her own hair.

7. Will
dig through manure piles daily looking
for worms, but does not fish.


8. Will not hesitate to administer a rectal exam
up to her
shoulder, but finds cleaning out the
Thanksgiving turkey cavity for
dressing quite repulsive.

9. By memory can mix eight different
supplements
in the correct proportions, but can't make macaroni

and cheese that isn't soupy.

10. Twice a week will spend an
hour scrubbing
algae from the water tanks, but has a problem
cleaning
lasagna out of the casserole dish.

11. Will pick a
horse's nose, and call it
cleaning, but becomes verbally violent
when her
husband picks his.

12. Can sit through a four-hour
session of a
ground work clinic, but unable to make it through a

half-hour episode of Cops.

The spouse of an afflicted
victim:

1. Must come to terms with the fact there is no

cure, and only slightly effective treatments. The
syndrome may
be genetic or caused by the inhaling of
manure particles which, I
propose, have an adverse
effect on female hormones.

2. Must
adjust the family budget to include
equine items - hay, veterinarian
services, farrier
services, riding boots and clothes, supplements,
tack,
equine masseuse and acupuncturist - as well as the

(mandatory) equine spiritual guide, etc. Once you have

identified a monthly figure, never look at it again.
Doing so
will cause tightness in your chest, nausea
and occasional diarrhea.


3. Must realize that your spouse has no control
over this
affliction. More often than not, she will
deny a problem even exists
as denial is common.

4. Must form a support group. You need to
know
you're not alone - and there's no shame in admitting
your
wife has a problem. My support group, for
instance, involves men who
truly enjoy Harley
Davidsons, four-day weekends and lots of scotch.
Most
times, she is unaware that I am even gone, until the

precise moment she needs help getting a 50-pound bag
of grain
out of the truck.

Now you can better see how O.C.E.A.N.S.
affects
countless households in this country and abroad. It

knows no racial, ethnic or religious boundaries. It is
a
syndrome that will be difficult to treat because
those most affected
are in denial and therefore, not
interested in a cure.

So, I
am taking it upon myself to be constantly
diligent in my research in
order to pass along
information to make it easier for caretakers to
cope
on a day to day basis.