What constitutes poor? Is it from a more materialistic point of view or from a more personal view? What does it mean to most people? Some would say being poor means not having things such as a roof over their head, no food, no clothes, all the things that most people take for granted on a daily basis. What about those who have had things in a materialistic way? Then in a blink of an eye it's gone. Does that mean one is poor when that occurs? I think that I am beginning to understand at times what a personal struggle it can be trying to get through each day while trying to remain who I am or while trying to better myself in the process. I think that I took for granted or didn't understand that I am a good person, that I am special and spent way to much time listening to the negative things that had been directed in my generalized direction.
I never thought that things could be as tough as they are now. I have been through enough struggle for anyone to have in their lifetime but the thing is, I never realized that it could be any worse than it is now. I think I grew so complacent and deaf that I just didn't think that it would ever come to this point. I truly believe that people can become as complacent and then when something such as a death, the economy, war or all of the afore mentioned events, they stand back and ask, "what the hell just happened?"
When life's happenings occur is it meant to happen in order to make us a better person? A stronger more centered person? I suppose this defines most people in that it either will break them down completely or they take a stand to fight harder to make it through the tough times. I just cannot understand why people would just lay down and die instead of trying to fight to live.
I think they are the ones that are poor though. Material things mean nothing if there is nothing in a life to make one happy or to guide them to be a better person, to be more than they are. I think a person could have all the things they ever wanted in life as far as material things and still find their lives incomplete and sad. It seems to me that instead of wanting to lay down and die, maybe they would want to find a way to move forward in order to make their lives more fulfilling.
So what would most find fulfilling? I know that as a mother I have found it quite fulfilling as well as mind-boggling. The joy of a new life, which grows in time to become an adult. It's strange how they take on a mind of their own and let you know when they aren't happy with something you might be doing even if it's not affecting them. I think that most people spend nearly their entire lives learning all the nuances of every day life, struggles, raising a family and growing old. What will old age hold for me? Will I be healthy or will be I be dependent on my children or will they abandon me and stick me in some nursing home to die a lonely death?
What legacy will I leave behind? Will I be known as the person who loved to learn new things, or the person who had a give of plants or loved to photograph nature; A person who loved horses and dogs and cats. A person who loved children most of all and the joys that came with being around them. Or will I known as the person who never amounted to anything because her father said that was all she'd be or the wife to a man who was weak minded and decided to take the easy way out and end his life? What will my children think about me when I am gone? Will they feel that I had loved them with all my being or will they feel I shortchanged them in some way?
I am hoping as I go through these personal struggles that it will make me a better person instead. I hope that my goals will finally be fulfilled or known to me so that I feel as if I have accomplished more than what or who I am. I know that I want to be a better person but at same time I want to remain who I am.
On a more materialistic view, it is not much fun to wonder where the next tank of gas is coming from. How one is going to get to work, how they will get to school. Without funds, these things cannot be purchased. Can't have one without the other. I am seeing more and more people here in this area riding bikes or riding motorcycles and even walking due to the deteriorating economy. I hope and pray that our next president will get this country back on it's feet because our country is really in bad shape as far as I am concerned. This is America, the land of the free, the land of milk and honey, the land of opportunity! Right now I don't think it's any of those.
More to come as my thoughts become more fluent. I have had a lot of things going on in my mind lately and I feel like I need to get them out.
I have spent the last couple of weeks moving from the old house in the city out to the country at the small horse farm where I board my horse. This has been an exciting moment as far as getting to live at the farm. I have to say that I wish that I could live there permanently because it has been a joy despite how busy I have been.
I'm still trying to get organized and I hope to have that accomplished before the last day of the month next week. I want to be able to ride my horse every day as well as visit the pool and keep up with farm chores such as mowing and general maintenance of a far.
I have managed to get some okra, tomato's, pumpkin, cucumber and some flower seeds started. I've had a tough time with the ants in relationship to my tomato and okra plants. Driving me a little crazy to say the least. I got my first vine ripened tomato and man was it delicious. There is nothing like the taste of a vine ripened tomato. I'm not sure why they call it vine though because a tomato isn't a vine plant.
I still haven't met any potential male friends that I can go riding with as well as just building a nice friendship. I'm really wanting to find a male friend that I can just go do the movie and dinner thing as well as a riding buddy.
In this day and age though, my weight is going to constantly penalize me when it relates to meeting men. Society has so poisoned the way men view woment. It really makes me sick.
Thas all for today.... 
